Is My Ex Really The One?

Advice on Discovering What You Want in a Relationship and Whether or Not Your Ex Has It

I am currently dating someone I truly adore, but an ex-boyfriend has been telling me things like how much he loves and adores me, and that I am the only person he can see himself having kids with, and he regrets breaking it off with me. This ex-boyfriend is currently in another relationship and does not know I’m current seeing someone. He’s grown so much since I’ve known him. I also love his parents. My current boyfriend is not around much anymore because of work and we see each other two or maybe three days a week. My current boyfriend treats me very well and really takes care of me. We have been together for roughly two years. We are physically very passionate (the sex is great), I truly love him and would give my life for him, and I am so comfortable around him that I can be myself. Although my current boyfriend is great, I think I’m in love with my ex-boyfriend and feel he is my soulmate. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn and confused.

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How can you be in love with an ex-boyfriend who is seeing someone else, but is telling you that you’re the only one he can see himself having children with? This guy is not stable among other things – he stirs up drama, he’s cheating on his current girlfriend by telling you he loves you when he’s with her. And if he has grown so much, as you say in your letter, since you two broke up, he must have been an emotional cripple when the two of you were first dating. Now, he’s just abusive and controlling.

A Two Year Relationship Is A Long Time To Not Be Sure

It sounds like you’re with a great guy who works, takes care of you emotionally and physically and doesn’t cheat on you. How can you think your soul mate is this other guy who sounds like an emotional deadbeat? I’m beginning to wonder what you think a soul mate actually is? I also wonder what it is you really want in a relationship since you seem to have it all with your current boyfriend of two years – and you’re about to blow it. If you don't want a serious relationship with him, stop wasting your time and his.

Know What You Want In A Relationship Before Investing Too Much Time In One You Don't

Immediately – get my book called Think & Date Like A Man, and read it! Then live it. You’ve got to really figure out what it is that you want for yourself. You clearly don’t want a healthy relationship – because you’ve got one, and you’re looking elsewhere. I suggest that you not see your ex-boyfriend because he’s not a stand up guy. I also suggest you think long and hard about staying in the relationship you’re currently in. You list your age as between 18 and 34, which means that by two years of dating someone great, you should be thinking about whether or not you want to make this permanent. If you do, this would be the time for him to step up to the plate. If you don’t, then you can continue on as you are or you can decide to start dating other people.

My instinct is that you want to date other people and see what else is out there. Just be careful not to waste your time. With online dating and so many single people now, there are endless boyfriend and husband possibilities. If you dated everyone who was eligible and available, you’d never stop dating! It’s much better if you figure out what you want and what works best for you and go for that – but that’s something for you to do only when you’re serious about being in a long term, committed relationship. If you’re not, then have fun! But just try not to take any prisoners along the way, and stay away from people who will hurt you.

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